mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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