omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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