Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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