got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
