I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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