Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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