is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
