The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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