dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
