I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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