evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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