we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
