Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
