i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
