I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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