Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
