We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
