I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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