Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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