dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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