So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
