soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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