I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
