Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
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Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".