Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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