Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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