Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
