at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
