I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
