i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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