Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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