I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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