Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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