Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
