Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
