The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
