i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
