I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
