Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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