After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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