We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
