I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
