Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
