Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
