No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
