your parents love me but you hate me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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