Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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