You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
