I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
