Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
