i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize