Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
