Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
