I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
