i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
