my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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