WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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