after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
