Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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