so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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