I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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