Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
