He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
