I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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