I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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