xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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