He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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