Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize