nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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