My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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