dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
