I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
