ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
