I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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