I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
