chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
