And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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