Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
