When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
