dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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