My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
