Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
